If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You ruined the universe
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
