Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
