I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
