STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
