Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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