do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
