Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
