I want to have your abortion
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
