too bad you live with your parents still
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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