mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
