I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
