There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
