dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
