I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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