I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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