Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
