I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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