Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
