God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
