I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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