Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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