I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i think i just lost a toe
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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