Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
