I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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