Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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