When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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