We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
