You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
