I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I can text with my tongue
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
