i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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