I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
