Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
