1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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