bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
