Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
