Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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