When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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