I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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