No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
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It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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