a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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