Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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