There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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