I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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