We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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