i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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