it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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