I would go down on you faster than GM stock
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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