so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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