there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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