I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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