im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.