Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.