It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.