There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
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he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.