YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
