how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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