Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
