I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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