If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
