I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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