i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
