There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
