No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Found the puke drawer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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