Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize