is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
