Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
