He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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