the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
