I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
