I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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