somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
and you fell through a lawn chair
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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