It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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