I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
