drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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