You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
