you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
