New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
