I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
