She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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