I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize